My Mormon Third Eye: I See… How to Take Care of a Sick Wife

Sunday, June 16, 2013

I See… How to Take Care of a Sick Wife

When it comes to providing salient, timely, and unique instructions on the solving the most critical and pressing problems that man can possibly face, the Mormon Third Eye thrives at the center of the worldwide blogosphere of creative and critical solutions. For example, the Mormon Third Eye is the only reliable source of instruction on how to:

end an argument with your wife;

black Friday bond with your children;

efficiently sin AND repent;

live happily ever after;

know if you are really, really, funny;

teach your teens about money;

make the ward grow;

buy a new car for only $200;
name a rock band;

guarantee your teenagers won’t get in trouble at the church dance;

use Mormon.org to deal with a bad day;

combat stupidity;

deal with bad dreams;

resist temptation;

know that she knows that your love her;

be truly happy doing housework;

know if your wife really, truly loves you;

to stay awake in church;

get away with being an irresponsible LDS youth;

say really long prayers;

do something you’ve never done before;

shake the very powers of hell;

become the ultimately cheap BYU fan;

disembowel a really bad joke;

master the essence of hope;

and choose a really good movie.

You can also learn about What to Do When You Catch Your Wife Hugging the Fridge, and When it's OK to Yell at Your Wife.

This Sunday, however, the Mormon Third Eye offers the most timely and needed instruction ever: how to take care of a sick wife. I’m not going to launch into my usual pithy propaganda extolling the critical need for precious information on this topic because Carson Boss does a much better job of it in his new book, “Your Wife Has Cancer… Now What? What to expect when the unexpected happens.” From how to herd kids to negotiating with insurance companies, the book literally takes the irony out of the title. I recommend reading it, if only just to acquire and store away practical, usable information you hope you never have to use; a 72 hr emergency kit for your wife’s cancer challenges. Find out more at www.familius.com.

The more burning question, though, is why did I choose to blog about this most recent “how to” book on Father’s Day? Because it contains the essence of what true Fatherhood is all about- “fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide for the necessities of life and protection for their families." This book teaches fathers how to preside over their families in love and righteousness and provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. It doesn’t get any better than that!

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The Mormon Third Eye Quote of the Week

"As men of the priesthood, we have an essential role to play in society, at home, and in the Church. But we must be men that women can trust, that children can trust, and that God can trust. In the Church and kingdom of God in these latter days, we cannot afford to have boys and men who are drifting. We cannot afford young men who lack self-discipline and live only to be entertained. We cannot afford young adult men who are going nowhere in life, who are not serious about forming families and making a real contribution in this world. We cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to provide spiritual leadership in the home."

Elder D. Todd Christofferson
Priesthood Session Conference, October 2012

Why My Mormon Third Eye?

When I politely excused myself in the middle of dinner to make a bathroom stop, how did Mom know that I had uneaten peas in my pocket to flush down the toilet? When I came home late from a youth dance and slid quietly into bed to avoid waking parental units, how did Dad know, without looking at the car, that I smashed in the front bumper? When I watch my daughter play a video game, how do I know that she's not ready for her Geometry final?

Its the Third Eye. The notorious eye in the back of the head, the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing so they can see more of life than the children they chase after.

Our third eye also permits us to see things and feel emotions that are too refined, too far on the edge of our standard two-eyed peripheral vision to enjoy in its fullness. I've learned that I have a Mormon Third Eye; that is, as a life-long, fully-dedicated member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have unique perspective on how the doctrines of the gospel and the demands of my faith in them intersect every other part of my mortal existence to create the entertaining, self-deprecating kaleidoscope of my life.

So... for those of you bold and bored enough to read this far, every so often I'll be sharing here what my Mormon third eye sees. Third eyes are relatively huge; they see the humorous, the entertaining, the embarrassing, the beautiful, the inspirational, and even the moral and political; however, they tend to ignore the evil, depressing and destructive: there is enough of that in world already!

The Four Secrets to Successful Living

Always Go Where There is Free Food - This includes ward and work parties, wedding receptions and missionary open houses; the money you spend to buy the ingredients for the world-famous triple chocolate cake you bring doesn’t count.
Never Pay Full Price for Anything – See my posts on Black Friday escapades for more information on this.
Never, Ever Press the Red Button - Usually, if you are faced with a red button somewhere, don’t press it – it usually means trouble. For example, the red button launches the missiles. Do yourself a favor and don’t press it.
Any Problem You Face Can Be Solved With Bungee Cords and Duct Tape - Bungee cord and duct tape technology has saved many marriages and ward parties. I’m not just talking about problems with plumbing or keeping groceries from bouncing around the trunk; I know of relationship and family issues that have been solved with creative applications of these two substances.