Sunday, June 9, 2013

I See… How to Become the Ultimately Cheap BYU Fan

Unilke many of my fellow BYU graduates, the pinnacle of success I have achieved unfortunately did not include vast sums of money.  In my heart of hearts, I would prefer to show my undying devotion to BYU and it’s mission with enormous endowments of hard-earned funds; however, certainly the Lord has provided a way for even the poor among us to appropriately display our dedication.  The two enduring loves of my life, my wife and BYU (in that order), deserve as much praise and devotion as I am financially, emotionally, spiritually, and chronologically able to offer (read about it here), but inevitably I fall short on both accounts.

Then I discovered the marvelous secret to cheaply yet avidly promoting the mission and values of BYU in my home, and in the long and storied tradition of the Mormon Third Eye blessing the mass of dedicated readers with the answers to life’s most difficult problems, I share it with you now.

Two words: Sticker Power.

The governing premise of this strategy is that stickers have power. That is, if you put a sticker on something, that something “belongs” to the organization depicted on the sticker. Two simple steps will allow you to turn five dollars of stickers into five thousand dollars of BYU spirit.

Step One:
Purchase a set of BYU stickers from your local BYU bookstore or over the Internet.

Step Two:

Strategically place a BYU sticker on a majority of your most prized and expensive household possessions. Suddenly, 

A standard convection oven becomes a high-class BYU oven!

Your average Artisan mixer becomes a sleek BYU mixer!

Your prized Samick piano becomes an even more highly-prized BYU piano!

The antique hutch that has been in your family for generations becomes an expensive BYU hutch!

What bathroom would be complete without a collectors BYU toilet?

A cheap HP printr becomes a classic BYU printer!

Which is attached to a BYU brand computer!

Don't forget the BYU Kindle...

the BYU automatic dishwasher...

the BYU vacuum cleaner...

the BYU Bookcase...

a collection of BYU kitchen utensils...

matching BYU washer and dryer...

our high-end BYU sewing machine...

and last, but certainly not least, showers using water flowing from our BYU hot water heater!
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 Some may think that I have gone overboard on my allegiance to BYU; others may claim I am obsessed or possessed with the Lord's University. My only regret, however, is that I was not inspired with this solution until 29 years AFTER graduating from BYU. All those wasted years...

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