One night last week I wandered downstairs looking to refill my supply of chocolate twizzlers. I was in my socks, so I guess my wife didn't hear me shuffle down the hallway. I turned the corner and caught her alone in the kitchen... hugging the fridge!
How should any faithful normal Mormon husband react when he catches his wife hugging the fridge? Was she cheating on me? What did that new fridge have that I didn't? What's worse, when I purposely made a random sound to announce my presence, she turned toward me with absolutely no sense of guilt and said, in a romantic, dreamy voice, “I'm hugging my new fridge. I love this fridge.”
Personally, part of me couldn't blame her at all. It is a tall, gleaming brushed silver monolith of modern science- I'm just a 50 something creaky wrinkly middle-aged woolly mammoth. It employs state of the art digital technology to dispense cold filtered water and maintain strict odor control; I have acid reflux and can't eat spicy foods after six. Our old fridge, like me, had already lived past its prime, was emitting strange odors, and had broken down several times. It needed to be replaced. Did I?
I knew she loved the fridge, and I wouldn't be upset if she married it- after all, she let me marry chocolate orange sticks. Nevertheless a minute later she sauntered over to me, gave me a big bear hug, and whispered in my ear, “thank you so much for the new fridge. It is so wonderful!” What I really heard was, “ I love the new fridge, but it can't take me to the temple, give me a priesthood blessing, and give me foot rubs after a long day on my feet.”
So, what should you do if you catch your wife hugging the fridge? Do nothing. Nothing at all. Give her a little time, and soon she'll come to you with a hug that was meant only for you.