My Mormon Third Eye: I See... How to Make the Ward Grow

Sunday, May 3, 2009

I See... How to Make the Ward Grow

It's that time of the year again... the beginning of the moving season. Students moving home for summer vacation, families moving out while school is out, young families graduating from graduate programs and moving somewhere where someone will now pay them for what they were just paying to do in school. The Elder's Quorum Moving Co. is fully employed. For our ward, the Hampstead Ward, this translates into the nightmare of 14 families leaving with only a few new promising recruits on the horizon.

So, how do we grow the ward now? Sure, there are the traditional tried and true methods of bringing souls unto Christ by reactivating less-active members and baptizing new ones, but that takes a lot of faith that a lot of us don't have. (but should!) I'm promoting a more radical, out-of-the box method- recruiting!

Yes, that's what I said- recruiting! I'm confident that if we offer the right incentives, the right people will move into our right ward. And who do we want? Righteous families of all ages and sizes. And what do righteous families want? They want blessings. I'm proposing we offer them blessings; more blessings than the average ward, which according to the divine formula, would result from more service and sacrifice than the average ward.

What type of members would our ward attract, for example, if we advertised 14% tithing instead of 10%? Promises of 10 home and visiting teaching families assigned to each priesthood holder and Relief Society sister? Mandatory temple trips twice a week? Fasting every Sunday? Choir practice every Sunday before AND after church?

I'm thinking that once faithful church members realized the massive amounts of blessings they could reap through such overzealous church service and sacrifice, they would be flooding the local area with hungry real estate agents looking for that perfect home in the perfect neighborhood within ward boundaries. The ward would be fully staffed in a matter of weeks. By the end of the summer moving season, there would be talk of the Hampstead Second Ward.

What do you think?

4 comments:

Carson CalderwoodMay 5, 2009 at 1:02 AM
I have heard in some sociological circles that more stringent religions tie their members in stronger so a higher tithe and more HT'ing could result in a better retention rate if nothing else!
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AnonymousMay 27, 2009 at 6:10 PM
I think your blog is almost "cultish". Don't you think you toe a line of being sacreligeous?
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Richard TaitMay 27, 2009 at 10:54 PM
It would only border on sacreligious if I was serious about it... but since I'm trying to make the same point the first comment already raised, I think I'm ok...
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Mutuelle santeAugust 10, 2011 at 4:24 AM
That has been a good help, thanks a ton, now to make the ward grow is simple and easy with your tips. Kudos
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The Mormon Third Eye Quote of the Week

"As men of the priesthood, we have an essential role to play in society, at home, and in the Church. But we must be men that women can trust, that children can trust, and that God can trust. In the Church and kingdom of God in these latter days, we cannot afford to have boys and men who are drifting. We cannot afford young men who lack self-discipline and live only to be entertained. We cannot afford young adult men who are going nowhere in life, who are not serious about forming families and making a real contribution in this world. We cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to provide spiritual leadership in the home."

Elder D. Todd Christofferson
Priesthood Session Conference, October 2012

Why My Mormon Third Eye?

When I politely excused myself in the middle of dinner to make a bathroom stop, how did Mom know that I had uneaten peas in my pocket to flush down the toilet? When I came home late from a youth dance and slid quietly into bed to avoid waking parental units, how did Dad know, without looking at the car, that I smashed in the front bumper? When I watch my daughter play a video game, how do I know that she's not ready for her Geometry final?

Its the Third Eye. The notorious eye in the back of the head, the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing so they can see more of life than the children they chase after.

Our third eye also permits us to see things and feel emotions that are too refined, too far on the edge of our standard two-eyed peripheral vision to enjoy in its fullness. I've learned that I have a Mormon Third Eye; that is, as a life-long, fully-dedicated member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have unique perspective on how the doctrines of the gospel and the demands of my faith in them intersect every other part of my mortal existence to create the entertaining, self-deprecating kaleidoscope of my life.

So... for those of you bold and bored enough to read this far, every so often I'll be sharing here what my Mormon third eye sees. Third eyes are relatively huge; they see the humorous, the entertaining, the embarrassing, the beautiful, the inspirational, and even the moral and political; however, they tend to ignore the evil, depressing and destructive: there is enough of that in world already!

The Four Secrets to Successful Living

Always Go Where There is Free Food - This includes ward and work parties, wedding receptions and missionary open houses; the money you spend to buy the ingredients for the world-famous triple chocolate cake you bring doesn’t count.
Never Pay Full Price for Anything – See my posts on Black Friday escapades for more information on this.
Never, Ever Press the Red Button - Usually, if you are faced with a red button somewhere, don’t press it – it usually means trouble. For example, the red button launches the missiles. Do yourself a favor and don’t press it.
Any Problem You Face Can Be Solved With Bungee Cords and Duct Tape - Bungee cord and duct tape technology has saved many marriages and ward parties. I’m not just talking about problems with plumbing or keeping groceries from bouncing around the trunk; I know of relationship and family issues that have been solved with creative applications of these two substances.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

I See... How to Make the Ward Grow

4 comments:

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