I See... How to Teach Your Teens About Money

The Mormon Third Eye has taught readers how to end an argument with your wife; name a rock band; keep male and female teenagers apart during dates, tame a terrible teenager, buy a new car for 200 dollars, and make a ward grow. So, how do you teach a teenager about money? Make them understand that there is no bank of Dad? That Mom is not an ATM?

There is nothing more heartbreaking for a young teen hyped up on a constant stream of consumerism than to hear “no!” from parental units. According to my strategy, we never have deny a child's request for funds for any reason when we have a “money tree” in the backyard. The conversation should go something like this-

Obsessed teenager- “Hey Dad, all the cool kids at school have Iphones. If I'm going to fit in and be popular, I must have an Iphone. Can you buy me an Iphone?”
Dad working two jobs just to make payments on teen's braces- “Sure! No problem! Say, can you do me a favor? Just run out into the backyard and get the money you need from the money tree.”

Most intellectually stable teenagers will interpret Dad's answer to mean “no way in Afghanistan will I buy you an Iphone.” Every once in awhile, you'll have a teenager that will actually adjourn to the backyard to locate the said money tree. Those are ones you really need to worry about. Furthermore, once or twice a year you'll run into one who actually fled to the backyard and returned with a wad of cash. If that happens, it's time to wake up from the nightmare caused by the guilt you feel over responding sarcastically to a child's request.