Sunday, May 24, 2009

I See... The Most Practically Romantic 25th Wedding Anniversary Gift

I See... The Most Practically Romantic 25th Wedding Anniversary Gift

This is an exceptional entry – the first one since I started blogging over 18 months ago that is not posted on a Sunday. But today, Monday, May 25th, is an exceptional day- it is our 25th wedding anniversary.

Mix 25 years of wedded bliss, a budget that hasn't changed enough in the past 25 years, and a wife liberated from the chains of traditional anniversary gift-giving, and the result is... the most practically romantic 25th wedding anniversary gift.

I know that diamonds are forever, and diamonds say it with love, and yadah-yadah-yadah (insert your favorite jewelry jingle here), but after first “marrying down” and then sticking with me for 25 years, my wife deserves something more monumental than bling; she deserves a medal.

Alas, in a world that sadly under-appreciates the importance of the family as the core unit of successful communities and nations, I could not find such an award (there are a few militant anti-feminists who will claim that that is what a diamond ring is...) So, in a bold attempt to honor her with her heart's desire instead, I proposed, “sweetie, this time it's whatever you want! The sky is the limit! Let your imagination run wild and ask me for something that truly represents our enduring relationship.”

It took her longer than I expected to come back with her heart's most, secret, deepest desire. “I'm sorry I've been holding back, but...” she started out apologetically. Then suddenly, her eyes broke out into a greedy smile, and ala Ralphie in “A Christmas Story” when he quickly, excitedly barked out ”a Red Ryder Double-Action BB Gun,” she burst out uncontrollably, “I want a Carrier 15 Heat Pump with Variable Speed Fan Coil, Backup Electric Heater Furnace and Performance Edge Thermostat!”

I was stunned. Apparently she had been silently suffering in wilting humidity and drafty winter air currents in the house for years with an 18-year-old rickety heat pump, afraid to ask for something so expensive, yet so necessary for her survival. I cried inside. “Of course...” I replied numbly in near whispering tones. “Call Blue Dot immediately and order the heat pump of your dreams.”

Which is exactly what she did. We now reside in climate-controlled comfort provided by a Carrier 15 Heat Pump with a Variable Speed Fan Coil, Backup Electric Heater Furnace and Performance Edge Thermostat, complete with a Star Trekkian electronic control panel that could fire Photon phaser blasts at Romulan vessels if it wasn't already occupied directing the work of heating and cooling our humble abode.

I admit that on the surface, a brand spanking new heat pump does not appear to possess the romantic rigor of anniversary bling. However, for my wife and I, the symbolism of a working heat pump is much more representative of our marriage than any old diamond ring. Just like an aging heat pump, our relationship runs hot and cold at times, but we are always working behind the scenes, sometimes quietly, sometimes not so quietly, to make each other comfortable. And after 25 years, we are not afraid to re-energize our marriage with a new heat pump, which is what we did.

And of course, she can still have all the bling she wants.


  1. Really??? ALL the bling I want? Let's go shopping. OH, and I guess it helps that our other heat pump completely DIED so we didn't have much choice, huh? I love you - Happy Anniversary.

  2. Deon: (head lowered and shaking side to side) I'm speechless... didn't we have this conversation last year? Did you at least get it in a cool modern color?