My Mormon Third Eye: I See… A New Superhero

Sunday, June 23, 2013

I See… A New Superhero

It seems that in a world engulfed in war, crime, immorality, and reality game shows, we need a new superhero. The current crop of real and imagined superheroes, from the Green Lantern to Captain America to Jimmer Fredette, are not getting the job done.

A few weeks ago, on a nondescript mild-mannered Saturday afternoon, a new superhero was born. I was sullenly mourning over the loss of a self-propulsion lawn mower for at least a year. The engine still cut grass, but I had been reduced pushing lawn mower across my vast 1/5 acre under my own power, and I came to dread my weekly workout sessions doing yard work. Who would save from me from this torture?

At that moment I happened to accidentally glance at the amateur propulsion system on the mower body that powered the front wheels, and my imagination was seized with a superhuman thought." It looks like… it looks like…" I pondered to myself, "that the belt between the flywheel at the bottom of the engine housing and front wheel mechanism is broken. What if… what if… it was just a matter of replacing a broken belt? What if, what, if… for the first time in the history of the world, I would actually fix a broken mechanical machine completely on my own, with absolutely no help from someone else?"

I quickly became consumed with the thought of successfully fixing something. I felt radioactive molecules of confidence surging through my tiny human veins. It didn’t take me long to make a short run to Sears, select exactly the right belt, and bring it home to install on the broken mower. I felt the superhero hormones infuse every fiber of my being as removed the old belt and deftly wrestled with other assorted engine parts to install the new belt. 90 minutes and several sore muscles later, I had a perfectly running self-propelled lawn mower! At that miracle moment, I triumphantly rose from my feet, thrust my wrench-holding hand victoriously in the air, and shouted exultantly to the embarrassment of the rest of family still at home “I HAVE FIXED THE LAWNMOWER! I CAN DO ANYTHING! I AM… I AM… LAWNMOWER MAN!

Yes, a new superhero was a born that day. A superhero that can work miracles with mowers. It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No… its LAWNMOWERMAN!

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The Mormon Third Eye Quote of the Week

"As men of the priesthood, we have an essential role to play in society, at home, and in the Church. But we must be men that women can trust, that children can trust, and that God can trust. In the Church and kingdom of God in these latter days, we cannot afford to have boys and men who are drifting. We cannot afford young men who lack self-discipline and live only to be entertained. We cannot afford young adult men who are going nowhere in life, who are not serious about forming families and making a real contribution in this world. We cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to provide spiritual leadership in the home."

Elder D. Todd Christofferson
Priesthood Session Conference, October 2012

Why My Mormon Third Eye?

When I politely excused myself in the middle of dinner to make a bathroom stop, how did Mom know that I had uneaten peas in my pocket to flush down the toilet? When I came home late from a youth dance and slid quietly into bed to avoid waking parental units, how did Dad know, without looking at the car, that I smashed in the front bumper? When I watch my daughter play a video game, how do I know that she's not ready for her Geometry final?

Its the Third Eye. The notorious eye in the back of the head, the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing so they can see more of life than the children they chase after.

Our third eye also permits us to see things and feel emotions that are too refined, too far on the edge of our standard two-eyed peripheral vision to enjoy in its fullness. I've learned that I have a Mormon Third Eye; that is, as a life-long, fully-dedicated member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have unique perspective on how the doctrines of the gospel and the demands of my faith in them intersect every other part of my mortal existence to create the entertaining, self-deprecating kaleidoscope of my life.

So... for those of you bold and bored enough to read this far, every so often I'll be sharing here what my Mormon third eye sees. Third eyes are relatively huge; they see the humorous, the entertaining, the embarrassing, the beautiful, the inspirational, and even the moral and political; however, they tend to ignore the evil, depressing and destructive: there is enough of that in world already!

The Four Secrets to Successful Living

Always Go Where There is Free Food - This includes ward and work parties, wedding receptions and missionary open houses; the money you spend to buy the ingredients for the world-famous triple chocolate cake you bring doesn’t count.
Never Pay Full Price for Anything – See my posts on Black Friday escapades for more information on this.
Never, Ever Press the Red Button - Usually, if you are faced with a red button somewhere, don’t press it – it usually means trouble. For example, the red button launches the missiles. Do yourself a favor and don’t press it.
Any Problem You Face Can Be Solved With Bungee Cords and Duct Tape - Bungee cord and duct tape technology has saved many marriages and ward parties. I’m not just talking about problems with plumbing or keeping groceries from bouncing around the trunk; I know of relationship and family issues that have been solved with creative applications of these two substances.