It seems that in a world engulfed in war, crime, immorality, and reality game shows, we need a new superhero. The current crop of real and imagined superheroes, from the Green Lantern to Captain America to Jimmer Fredette, are not getting the job done.
A few weeks ago, on a nondescript mild-mannered Saturday afternoon, a new superhero was born. I was sullenly mourning over the loss of a self-propulsion lawn mower for at least a year. The engine still cut grass, but I had been reduced pushing lawn mower across my vast 1/5 acre under my own power, and I came to dread my weekly workout sessions doing yard work. Who would save from me from this torture?
At that moment I happened to accidentally glance at the amateur propulsion system on the mower body that powered the front wheels, and my imagination was seized with a superhuman thought." It looks like… it looks like…" I pondered to myself, "that the belt between the flywheel at the bottom of the engine housing and front wheel mechanism is broken. What if… what if… it was just a matter of replacing a broken belt? What if, what, if… for the first time in the history of the world, I would actually fix a broken mechanical machine completely on my own, with absolutely no help from someone else?"
I quickly became consumed with the thought of successfully fixing something. I felt radioactive molecules of confidence surging through my tiny human veins. It didn’t take me long to make a short run to Sears, select exactly the right belt, and bring it home to install on the broken mower. I felt the superhero hormones infuse every fiber of my being as removed the old belt and deftly wrestled with other assorted engine parts to install the new belt. 90 minutes and several sore muscles later, I had a perfectly running self-propelled lawn mower! At that miracle moment, I triumphantly rose from my feet, thrust my wrench-holding hand victoriously in the air, and shouted exultantly to the embarrassment of the rest of family still at home “I HAVE FIXED THE LAWNMOWER! I CAN DO ANYTHING! I AM… I AM… LAWNMOWER MAN!
Yes, a new superhero was a born that day. A superhero that can work miracles with mowers. It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No… its LAWNMOWERMAN!