My Mormon Third Eye: I See... The Top 25 Mormon Third Eye Blogposts!

Apparently the end of the year is the perfect time to produce various Top 10 and 20 lists of everybody’s favorite something. The Mormon Third Eye has been pumping out unconventional yet palatable wisdom on LDS life, family, and culture almost every Sunday (except for this one) for over six years, so we thought it was time we shamelessly promoted our own Top 25 list.

How to Make the Top 25

If making the Top 25 was merely a function of being popular, the list would be a ruthless, scientific sort of posts that garnered the most hits and would look something like this (for brevity’s sake, only the top 10 are included here:

A Beautiful Flower

Forgotten Scriptures

The Best Anti-Mormon Joke

Signs of the Last Days

The Gospel According to Chicken Run

A Charlie Brown Christmas

A Dumb, Boring, Blog Entry

When it’s OK to Yell at Your Wife

A Geek Without A Cause

A CTR Ring

Living Happily Ever After

Knock Knock Jokes and the Gospel

The Real Top Twenty

However, the Mormon Third Eye has never been about being popular; it has always focused on the interesting, provocative and awkwardly inspirational. It’s also always about me- what did I enjoy writing the most? With that in mind, I respectfully, finally, reward the discriminating MTE reader who has made it this far with… the Mormon Third Eye Top 25 Blogposts!

25- Is pride rising in the church?

24- A congressional solution to the nation’s energy problems;

23- What heaven is like;

22- The two-part expose on homeless men in the church;

21- Living happily ever after;

20- Respect the Wand!

19- The Hampstead Young Married Ward;

18- Do you suffer from work allergies?

17- The most efficient way to sin AND repent:

16- The priesthood law of chili preparation;

15- Meet my Mormon carpool buddies;

14- Tie: Saving University of Utah from utterdestruction, and the BYU-U of U rivalry that transcends death;

13- Tie: Recovering from serving asa bishop, and when bishops attack!

12- When is it OK to yell at yourwife?

11- The scriptural answer toeverything;

10- Tie: How to end an argumentwith your wife and breaking the female gift code;

9- Tie: Redefining marriage withinanimate transgender rights;

8- Exposing the CTR Ring;

7- Life according to PST- ProphetStandard Time;

6- Meet the passionate service leader!

5- Being naturally funny meeting the laundry fairy;

4- The Three Stooges on Father’s Day;

3- Enjoying the Disney moments;

2- When missionary moms explode;

And…the number one MTE blogpost for 2007-2013 is…

What is it like to be married for 20 million years!

The Mormon Third Eye Quote of the Week

"As men of the priesthood, we have an essential role to play in society, at home, and in the Church. But we must be men that women can trust, that children can trust, and that God can trust. In the Church and kingdom of God in these latter days, we cannot afford to have boys and men who are drifting. We cannot afford young men who lack self-discipline and live only to be entertained. We cannot afford young adult men who are going nowhere in life, who are not serious about forming families and making a real contribution in this world. We cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to provide spiritual leadership in the home."

Elder D. Todd Christofferson
Priesthood Session Conference, October 2012

Why My Mormon Third Eye?

When I politely excused myself in the middle of dinner to make a bathroom stop, how did Mom know that I had uneaten peas in my pocket to flush down the toilet? When I came home late from a youth dance and slid quietly into bed to avoid waking parental units, how did Dad know, without looking at the car, that I smashed in the front bumper? When I watch my daughter play a video game, how do I know that she's not ready for her Geometry final?

Its the Third Eye. The notorious eye in the back of the head, the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing so they can see more of life than the children they chase after.

Our third eye also permits us to see things and feel emotions that are too refined, too far on the edge of our standard two-eyed peripheral vision to enjoy in its fullness. I've learned that I have a Mormon Third Eye; that is, as a life-long, fully-dedicated member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have unique perspective on how the doctrines of the gospel and the demands of my faith in them intersect every other part of my mortal existence to create the entertaining, self-deprecating kaleidoscope of my life.

So... for those of you bold and bored enough to read this far, every so often I'll be sharing here what my Mormon third eye sees. Third eyes are relatively huge; they see the humorous, the entertaining, the embarrassing, the beautiful, the inspirational, and even the moral and political; however, they tend to ignore the evil, depressing and destructive: there is enough of that in world already!

The Four Secrets to Successful Living

Always Go Where There is Free Food - This includes ward and work parties, wedding receptions and missionary open houses; the money you spend to buy the ingredients for the world-famous triple chocolate cake you bring doesn’t count.
Never Pay Full Price for Anything – See my posts on Black Friday escapades for more information on this.
Never, Ever Press the Red Button - Usually, if you are faced with a red button somewhere, don’t press it – it usually means trouble. For example, the red button launches the missiles. Do yourself a favor and don’t press it.
Any Problem You Face Can Be Solved With Bungee Cords and Duct Tape - Bungee cord and duct tape technology has saved many marriages and ward parties. I’m not just talking about problems with plumbing or keeping groceries from bouncing around the trunk; I know of relationship and family issues that have been solved with creative applications of these two substances.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

I See... The Top 25 Mormon Third Eye Blogposts!

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