Sunday, July 13, 2008

I See… The Laundry Fairy


Actually, I DON”T see the Laundry Fairy; that is reason compelling me to blog about her. I need your help in unmasking her true identity.

Once again, I’m marshalling the awesome power of the Internet to solve a mystery that has lingered without meaning and purpose in my life for several decades. I now officially summon the collective intellect of blogstalkers worldwide to help me positively confirm the true identity of the mysterious Laundry Fairy.

Here is the latest collection of evidence I present for your evaluation:

It all started too many years ago, when I married my first and only wife. I stared at the spot on the floor where I had casually thrown my sweaty smelling running clothes the night before. “Honey,“ I pleaded sweetly, “do you know where my running clothes are?” Her response was swift and confident- “the Laundry Fairy took them!”

Then, a few days later, I opened my underwear drawer one morning and was shocked to find all my socks and “delicate things” sparkling clean and crisply folded in symmetrical rows. I then dashed over to the closet and discovered another puzzling miracle: all my shirts and pants were hung up clean and crisp and dry, waiting to be worn by me. The anticipation of discovery swelled precipitously in my breast as I quickly ran back to the dresser drawers where I first witnessed the Laundry Fairy’s work and found that all the rest of my clothes were clean and neatly folded. Finally, racing to the dirty clothes hamper revealed another shocker… empty!!!

I was suddenly overwhelmed by an intoxicating mix of inexpressible gratitude and misunderstanding. I dropped to my knees, raised both arms pleadingly towards an obtuse sky, and cried out in desperation- “I am soooo unworthy!! Please, please reveal to me the true identity of this angel of apparel, this ‘Laundry Fairy ,’ so that I may personally thank her for the effortless miracle of clean clothes she has brought into my life!”

Here are some tidbits of evidence that may help:

It appears that the Laundry Fairy blatantly discriminates against all women and unmarried men. For some inexplicable reason, she chooses to restrict her visits to married males. I never got a visit before I was married. I’m thinking that she’s only one fairy, and everyone wears clothes (although, some less than others!!), and everyone needs clean clothes (some more than others!!), so based on time and resources, this is the best she can do, right?

I’ve noticed that she is really picky about where she visits as well. For example, whenever I travel on business without my wife, the Laundry Fairy never seems to find me, and I’m forced to wash my own clothes or pay the hotel to have them cleaned. Hmm….

Finally, I’ve also noticed that many times, the Laundry Fairy will magically deposit clean clothes on the bed and leave without folding and putting them away. I’m assuming that in these circumstances, she may be behind on her route that day. I don’t mind folding and hanging them up every once in a while. I’ll do just about anything to help a laundry fairy that does so much for me.

You may want to start by interrogating my wife. She seems to know as much about the Laundry Fairy as my own mom knew about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

Thank you in advance for you help. I look forward to solving this mystery and moving on with my life.

4 comments:

  1. So sad, so easy to fool. I see that little pixie every day, getting wrinklier and sassier. You failed to reveal to your readers that you truly have done a lot of your share of assisting her over the years - oh yea, wait - it's that writer's license thing... silly me.

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  2. You know, we don't get frequent enough visits from the laundry fairy lately . . . could you send her this way for a few days. There's a certain overloaded mother here that could sure use her! Plus it's a really good excuse to come see us! Tell her I promise I'll save up a bunch if she wants it!

    Amy

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  3. I've have a Laundry Elf in my home for 19 years. I help him out now and then, just as it appears you do for your Fairy, however he has always done the major stuff. (he is expert at ironing) It sure is awesome!

    Perhaps you could try to beat your Laundry Fairy to the job once in awhile, and give her a nice break. I guarantee it will make her feel your appreciation, and encourage her to stick around. ;)

    P.S. Congrats on getting your post recognized in today's online MormonTimes

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  4. OK, I'll fess up. I *am* the Laundry Faerie. But only for a very specific household. (Sorry.)

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