I See… The Best Anti-Mormon Joke

What better way to start off a new year than some quality humor from one who is naturally funny and unabashedly humble!! We have plastered on our family room wall the motto “Sit Long- Talk Much – Laugh Often.”

What follows is the best Anti-Mormon joke I know of because of the double-edged sword it wields. Those who don’t appreciate our faith will enjoy the surface humor. On the other hand, those who have ancestors who made a home out of the Utah desert, or who were taught the Restored Gospel by missionaries who claim these ancestors, or by missionaries who were taught the Restored Gospel by missionaries who claim theses ancestors, or by missionaries who were taught by missionaries who were taught the Restored Gospel by missionaries who claim these ancestors, etc will appreciate the deeper humor it contains:

Once upon a time there was a man named Bob. Bob was e-ville. During his sojourn on earth, he lied, cheated, stole, fornicated, and even committed a few murders. When he arrived at the judgement bar of God shortly after his death, St. Peter shook his head disapprovingly and opened the book of his life.

“Bob, Bob, Bob, (you know you’re in trouble when someone in authority repeats your name three times)” St. Peter started off with a heavy sigh, “ I see here that while you lived on earth, you lied, cheated, stole, fornicated, and even committed a few murders. I’m sorry, but according to the laws of God we are going to have to thrust you down to the fires of hell.”

St. Peter was pleasantly surprised by Bob’s response to this terrible news. “I confess I did all those terrible deeds, but I’m willing to accept my fate like a man. Just tell me where to go, and I’ll go.”

“Well, Bob,” exclaimed St. Peter, “You see that hallway over there in the distance? Walk down that hallway and open the third door on the right. That is the hell that has been assigned to you.”

Bob dutifully took off and counted up to the third door on the right. He was shocked, however, when he opened the door – it was a beautiful farm scene, with a light, lazy breeze pushing the blades of a windmill, water trickling down picturesque rows of wheat ready for harvest, a bright red barn in the background with cows, and chickens and other barnyard animals, and a small stream on the side with cool, clear water tumbling over smooth rocks.

“This can’t be hell!” he thought to himself. He closed the door and marched back up to St. Peter’s desk.

“Hey angel!” he called out to St. Peter. “I went to the third door on the right as you directed, and all I saw was a beautiful farm scene, with a light, lazy breeze pushing the blades of a windmill, water trickling down picturesque rows of wheat ready for harvest, a bright red barn in the background with cows, and chickens and other barnyard animals, and a small stream on the side with cool, clear water tumbling over smooth rocks. Are you sure you pointed me to the right place?”

St. Peter was clearly frustrated. “Not only are you e-ville, you are also stupid. I’ll walk you down there personally to make sure you get to the right place. Follow me.”

Bob and St. Peter walked together down the hallway to the third door on the right. St. Peter confidently flung open the door, and sure enough, it was exactly as Bob had described. The angel was stunned for a moment, and then proclaimed in exasperation: “gosh darn it! Them Mormons have been irrigating again!”