Tuesday, January 1, 2008

I See… The Best Anti-Mormon Joke

What better way to start off a new year than some quality humor from one who is naturally funny and unabashedly humble!! We have plastered on our family room wall the motto “Sit Long- Talk Much – Laugh Often.”

What follows is the best Anti-Mormon joke I know of because of the double-edged sword it wields. Those who don’t appreciate our faith will enjoy the surface humor. On the other hand, those who have ancestors who made a home out of the Utah desert, or who were taught the Restored Gospel by missionaries who claim these ancestors, or by missionaries who were taught the Restored Gospel by missionaries who claim theses ancestors, or by missionaries who were taught by missionaries who were taught the Restored Gospel by missionaries who claim these ancestors, etc will appreciate the deeper humor it contains:

Once upon a time there was a man named Bob. Bob was e-ville. During his sojourn on earth, he lied, cheated, stole, fornicated, and even committed a few murders. When he arrived at the judgement bar of God shortly after his death, St. Peter shook his head disapprovingly and opened the book of his life.

“Bob, Bob, Bob, (you know you’re in trouble when someone in authority repeats your name three times)” St. Peter started off with a heavy sigh, “ I see here that while you lived on earth, you lied, cheated, stole, fornicated, and even committed a few murders. I’m sorry, but according to the laws of God we are going to have to thrust you down to the fires of hell.”

St. Peter was pleasantly surprised by Bob’s response to this terrible news. “I confess I did all those terrible deeds, but I’m willing to accept my fate like a man. Just tell me where to go, and I’ll go.”

“Well, Bob,” exclaimed St. Peter, “You see that hallway over there in the distance? Walk down that hallway and open the third door on the right. That is the hell that has been assigned to you.”

Bob dutifully took off and counted up to the third door on the right. He was shocked, however, when he opened the door – it was a beautiful farm scene, with a light, lazy breeze pushing the blades of a windmill, water trickling down picturesque rows of wheat ready for harvest, a bright red barn in the background with cows, and chickens and other barnyard animals, and a small stream on the side with cool, clear water tumbling over smooth rocks.

“This can’t be hell!” he thought to himself. He closed the door and marched back up to St. Peter’s desk.

“Hey angel!” he called out to St. Peter. “I went to the third door on the right as you directed, and all I saw was a beautiful farm scene, with a light, lazy breeze pushing the blades of a windmill, water trickling down picturesque rows of wheat ready for harvest, a bright red barn in the background with cows, and chickens and other barnyard animals, and a small stream on the side with cool, clear water tumbling over smooth rocks. Are you sure you pointed me to the right place?”

St. Peter was clearly frustrated. “Not only are you e-ville, you are also stupid. I’ll walk you down there personally to make sure you get to the right place. Follow me.”

Bob and St. Peter walked together down the hallway to the third door on the right. St. Peter confidently flung open the door, and sure enough, it was exactly as Bob had described. The angel was stunned for a moment, and then proclaimed in exasperation: “gosh darn it! Them Mormons have been irrigating again!”

16 comments:

  1. Good, real good.

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  2. maybe i cant appreciate it cuz im not mormon

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  3. I'm LDS and while I do see the humor in it I still think's it's a lame joke.

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  4. this joke is i just plain RETARDED Im lds and twelve this joke was stupid find another way to make fun of us (if you can)

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  5. You know...

    A mormon wouldn't make it that close to heaven...

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  6. i thought it was pretty good... :)

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  7. haha i thought it was funny

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  8. It only makes sense if you know the Church history.

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  9. thame lame lame this is so stupid im mormon and thats just alme get a better joke or make fun of a religion u can actually make fun of cuz apperently u dont understand our religion enough to make fun of it that was NOT even a mormon joke it had nothing to do with it WOW

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  10. Given that this is about Mormons, shouldn't the door have been relative to the height? Like, "third door from the top," or something like that?

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  11. You Mormons are so lame, you can't even laugh at a JOKE (I'm sure you'd all have no problem if this joke had been about a Catholic or Baptist). I was a Mormon (former now). The abundance of ignorance and arrogance among church members is one of the biggest reasons I left that pathetic church. Get a life people and learn how to have a sense of humor!!!!

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  12. I am a 15 year old Mormon girl who loves and respects my church. Why people hate us i don't know. But here's the thing. A lot of people can be really mean and say stuff about us like "those darn Mormons" and "your church is ridiculous." Think about it. Who are the people putting jokes like this on the internet and acting childish. Well, its definitely not the Mormons. We're good people who love and respect our religion and never make fun of any other religion. Whatever you hear from people around you.... I can tell you its not true. We're really good people i can tell you that. I mean c'mon. You have a 15 year old girl acting more mature and writing this comment, and a person who's probably older then me writing this and bashing our religion. Dont you have anything better to do??

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  13. Dear 15-year old girl,

    Don't be upset. We are both members of the same church! The reason why this joke is so wonderful is that our enemies think they are offending us, when they are really complimenting us! Mormons are so strong, inventive, and hardworking that we can take anything, even the desert of Utah, and turn it into something wonderful. It is quite a compliment if they think we can turn hell into something wonderful.

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  14. I thought it was an awesome joke! I'm LDS (born and raised) and I thought it was hilarious! And yes, you have to know the history of the settlement of the Salt Lake Valley to get the humor on the punch line. :)

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  15. I was raised Mormon but left when I turned 18, never to return. This joke is not funny...sorry

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