I See... Why We Leak

Everybody leaks. God made us this way. From burping to bawling, sneezing to snoring, and another broad collection of various unmentionable emissions, from cradle to grave we are constantly ostensibly involuntarily emitting with extreme prejudice an array of fluids, gases, and sounds. Our imperfectly telestial bodies are always uncontrollably leaking something. The burning question is not what, or where, but why? Why do we leak?

The Mormon Third Eye knows. It has already recently successfully related such distant concepts as cruising on the high seas, root beer, and dam stories to the gospel, but this discovery is by far the most creative. It all has to do with the plan of salvation.

When God created our spirit bodies from spirit matter, he made us big- really big. Then, via the violent yet beautiful process of birth, our really big spirits are crammed into itsy-bitsy tween-weeny baby bodies. We don't fit very well, so we start to leak and continue to do so until we die.

Ever wonder why babies cry so much? Well-meaning but misinformed modern mothers and doctors will trace it to some form of physical discomfort- a loaded diaper, an empty stomach, etc. Actually, MTE research confirms that it's merely overflow from a big spirit trapped in a small body that is creatively manifested in a uniquely physical way. As we grow older, our physical bodies enlarge but at a much slower rate than our spiritual bodies. The only release available for relief from this untenable situation are constant rounds of tears and burps and sneezes.

When you have consumed a particularly satisfying meal, your physical body can't handle the amount of joy your spirit feels, and it leaks out as a burp. When I'm in a sealing room in the Salt Lake Temple watching my oldest son make sacred covenants with the Lord and his fiancee, my spirit soars and my body can't handle the resulting “soul pressure,” so tears leak out. The same thing happens when my daughter thanks me for being her dad. Sneezes are nothing more than our spirits struggling to express the happiness we feel over pollen-laden natural wonders God has created for our enjoyment. Snoring is merely a manifestation of a good dream too terrific to be trapped inside a resting body.

So, the next time you are spending quality time with a loved one, and they innocently trip the sensors at the National Earthquake Center with a booming belch, pull them close and respond with a tender, 'I love you too.”