My Mormon Third Eye: I See… The Official Middle-aged Mormon Man Blog of Super Bowl 2015!

Sunday, February 1, 2015

I See… The Official Middle-aged Mormon Man Blog of Super Bowl 2015!

Breaking News! The Mormon Third Eye has just been designated the official Middle-aged Mormon Man blog of Super Bowl 2015!

Just when one thinks the hype and hysteria surrounding the Super Bowl has achieved astronomic heights, mankind announces another obtuse good or service that seeks to ride this remarkable advertising wave. The MTE is certain that centuries from now, when cultural anthropologists sort through the records of our age, they will detect only a slight relationship between the sport of football and the Super Bowl.

The MTE, always seeking to be current, popular, and relevant, has superficially decided to take it’s place in the front seat of the bandwagon and claim it’s own specious association with the most important event in the universe today. I list the following bits of evidence to support my hypothesis that the Mormon Third Eye should, in fact, be the official middle-aged Mormon Man blog of the Super Bowl:

I have written extensively on Super Bowl topics, here, here, here, and here;
I always capitalize “Super Bowl;” it must be important;
My old ward missionary companion, Ed Mulitalo, played in a Super Bowl;
I like soup, especially homemade soup, and I especially like to consume it from bowls;
I am a Super Bowler- I always score well in our Wii family bowling tournaments, and in fact had to bowl magnificently to graduate from BYU;
I have never actually sat down and watched a Super Bowl, but I know many who have, and besides, that doesn’t seem to be a requirement for becoming Super Bowl-associated merchandise.

So, there you have it. As the new official middle-aged Mormon Man blog of Super Bowl, I expect readership of my blog to skyrocket, particularly right before, during, and after the game. If it doesn’t, I’ll quickly drop my endorsement of the event and associate myself with an activity more appropriate for the tone and spirit of the MTE- perhaps the official middle-aged Mormon Man blog of April 2015 General Conference?

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The Mormon Third Eye Quote of the Week

"As men of the priesthood, we have an essential role to play in society, at home, and in the Church. But we must be men that women can trust, that children can trust, and that God can trust. In the Church and kingdom of God in these latter days, we cannot afford to have boys and men who are drifting. We cannot afford young men who lack self-discipline and live only to be entertained. We cannot afford young adult men who are going nowhere in life, who are not serious about forming families and making a real contribution in this world. We cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to provide spiritual leadership in the home."

Elder D. Todd Christofferson
Priesthood Session Conference, October 2012

Why My Mormon Third Eye?

When I politely excused myself in the middle of dinner to make a bathroom stop, how did Mom know that I had uneaten peas in my pocket to flush down the toilet? When I came home late from a youth dance and slid quietly into bed to avoid waking parental units, how did Dad know, without looking at the car, that I smashed in the front bumper? When I watch my daughter play a video game, how do I know that she's not ready for her Geometry final?

Its the Third Eye. The notorious eye in the back of the head, the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing so they can see more of life than the children they chase after.

Our third eye also permits us to see things and feel emotions that are too refined, too far on the edge of our standard two-eyed peripheral vision to enjoy in its fullness. I've learned that I have a Mormon Third Eye; that is, as a life-long, fully-dedicated member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have unique perspective on how the doctrines of the gospel and the demands of my faith in them intersect every other part of my mortal existence to create the entertaining, self-deprecating kaleidoscope of my life.

So... for those of you bold and bored enough to read this far, every so often I'll be sharing here what my Mormon third eye sees. Third eyes are relatively huge; they see the humorous, the entertaining, the embarrassing, the beautiful, the inspirational, and even the moral and political; however, they tend to ignore the evil, depressing and destructive: there is enough of that in world already!

The Four Secrets to Successful Living

Always Go Where There is Free Food - This includes ward and work parties, wedding receptions and missionary open houses; the money you spend to buy the ingredients for the world-famous triple chocolate cake you bring doesn’t count.
Never Pay Full Price for Anything – See my posts on Black Friday escapades for more information on this.
Never, Ever Press the Red Button - Usually, if you are faced with a red button somewhere, don’t press it – it usually means trouble. For example, the red button launches the missiles. Do yourself a favor and don’t press it.
Any Problem You Face Can Be Solved With Bungee Cords and Duct Tape - Bungee cord and duct tape technology has saved many marriages and ward parties. I’m not just talking about problems with plumbing or keeping groceries from bouncing around the trunk; I know of relationship and family issues that have been solved with creative applications of these two substances.