My Mormon Third Eye: I See... Broken News

Sunday, October 19, 2014

I See... Broken News

“Breaking News!!!” wildly flashes the bright thin red band across the screen, rudely interrupting Honey Boo-Boo’s most recent tirade on The Learning Channel in alarming HD clarity. “Man Found Dead in Cemetery!” or “Pharmaceutical Giant Finds, Then Loses, Cure for Cancer!” It seems that news is breaking all day long. Well, here’s another flash from the Mormon Third Eye’s exclusive news network TEN (Third Eye Network): news is no longer “breaking;” it is now “broken” and needs to “fixed”. (to read more about TEN and its content read here and here.)

What exactly is “news”? In its most raw form, it is merely the plural form of new information. The MTE defines it as something worth knowing- information containing enough value and utility worth sharing. Media and entertainment outlets, however, add another layer of requirements to valuable information before it can be transformed into “news”; it must contain a mysterious degree of abnormality- it must be different in some way. Although MTE and the TEN are respected members of the news blogosphere, this is where the treatment of newsworthy items violently collide with mainstream media- the definition of “new” or “different.”

Mainstream media consciously defines what is new or different merely by what they choose to report or ignore. Activities that were once considered relatively shocking, immoral, or amoral thirty years ago, e.g., gay marriage, bearing children out of wedlock, lengthy sexual relationships without the cover and commitment of marriage, and various other alternatives to a healthy family, are now considered common and even accepted in some parts. The media has conditioned us to their normalcy. Even if we don’t agree with or accept them in spirit, we certainly don’t consider them to be unusual, which by the mainstream media’s yardstick means they are no longer news.

Hence, the MTE was not shocked when an alphabet network morning news show last week released the following breaking news flash: “Stay-at-home Spouses are Valuable Members of the Working World!” The short program sensationally interviewed several women and one man who efficiently ran households while their spouses were at work. The working spouses excitedly claimed how much more psychic effort they were able to devote to their professions, confident in the knowledge that their better halves were keeping the home fires burning, looking after children and their home work, school work, and most of their immediate temporal wants and needs- such as ad-hoc changing of diapers, doctor's appointments, and directions on the use of electronic entertainment. It also highlighted stay-at-home spouses making the startling discovery of the amazing valuable contribution that the drudgery of running a household makes to successful family choreography. In today’s superficial world of media and entertainment, where raising a family is one of just many options on the smorgasboard of living, along with achieving financial security or physical prowess, this particular family dynamic is reported as an unusual, shocking new discovery that might be worth considering. Breaking news!

And therein lies the problem. It shouldn’t be news, much less breaking news. It is an empirically sound method for successful living. Check the Mormon Mommy blogs to find an army of righteous women who worship the nobility of motherhood and consider their vital role in the family kabuki dance to be quite normal, not newsworthy.

So… yes, the news is broken. The Mormon Third Eye is doing its part to fix it, and so are you, merely by reading this post and discussing it with someone else.

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The Mormon Third Eye Quote of the Week

"As men of the priesthood, we have an essential role to play in society, at home, and in the Church. But we must be men that women can trust, that children can trust, and that God can trust. In the Church and kingdom of God in these latter days, we cannot afford to have boys and men who are drifting. We cannot afford young men who lack self-discipline and live only to be entertained. We cannot afford young adult men who are going nowhere in life, who are not serious about forming families and making a real contribution in this world. We cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to provide spiritual leadership in the home."

Elder D. Todd Christofferson
Priesthood Session Conference, October 2012

Why My Mormon Third Eye?

When I politely excused myself in the middle of dinner to make a bathroom stop, how did Mom know that I had uneaten peas in my pocket to flush down the toilet? When I came home late from a youth dance and slid quietly into bed to avoid waking parental units, how did Dad know, without looking at the car, that I smashed in the front bumper? When I watch my daughter play a video game, how do I know that she's not ready for her Geometry final?

Its the Third Eye. The notorious eye in the back of the head, the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing so they can see more of life than the children they chase after.

Our third eye also permits us to see things and feel emotions that are too refined, too far on the edge of our standard two-eyed peripheral vision to enjoy in its fullness. I've learned that I have a Mormon Third Eye; that is, as a life-long, fully-dedicated member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have unique perspective on how the doctrines of the gospel and the demands of my faith in them intersect every other part of my mortal existence to create the entertaining, self-deprecating kaleidoscope of my life.

So... for those of you bold and bored enough to read this far, every so often I'll be sharing here what my Mormon third eye sees. Third eyes are relatively huge; they see the humorous, the entertaining, the embarrassing, the beautiful, the inspirational, and even the moral and political; however, they tend to ignore the evil, depressing and destructive: there is enough of that in world already!

The Four Secrets to Successful Living

Always Go Where There is Free Food - This includes ward and work parties, wedding receptions and missionary open houses; the money you spend to buy the ingredients for the world-famous triple chocolate cake you bring doesn’t count.
Never Pay Full Price for Anything – See my posts on Black Friday escapades for more information on this.
Never, Ever Press the Red Button - Usually, if you are faced with a red button somewhere, don’t press it – it usually means trouble. For example, the red button launches the missiles. Do yourself a favor and don’t press it.
Any Problem You Face Can Be Solved With Bungee Cords and Duct Tape - Bungee cord and duct tape technology has saved many marriages and ward parties. I’m not just talking about problems with plumbing or keeping groceries from bouncing around the trunk; I know of relationship and family issues that have been solved with creative applications of these two substances.