(WARNING: RIGHT NOW I’M RELAXING ON THE DECK OF A BEACHFRONT HOUSE AT EMERALD ISLE, NORTH CAROLINA ON A SOOTHING SUNDAY MORNING WATCHING THE ROLLING WAVES HYPNOTIZE MY SOUL: THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A MOMENT BEFORE YOU START READING)
If you possess even a fleeting interest in the divine future of America, the promised land of freedom and liberty, you’re about to take a walk in the sewer. Why? Because during this election season, you’ll diligently try to pay attention to what the candidates stand for, and along the way you’re going to have to wade through some pretty severe political mudslinging and unwarranted personal attacks first. Before you educate yourself about issues that can truly affect our temporary present and eternal future, such as overwhelming federal debt, entitlement mentalities, healthcare for all, gambling, the sanctity of traditional marriage, and freedom of speech and religion, you’ll be taught about the character of presidential candidates: Communists, tax-cheats, elite snobs, and heartless capitalists responsible for cancer in old ladies.
I plead with you to hang in there. Wise counsel from inspired church leaders encourages us to evaluate the character and positions of candidates on the issues, and vote for those who are most likely to support and promote gospel principles and beleifs. Also remember that some of the filth manufactured by political action committees sound more like nursery rhymes compared to historical trash talk. In the 1800’s, President John Adams was labeled a “hideous hermaphroditical character which has neither the force and firmness of a man, nor the gentleness and sensiblity of a woman, and Andrew Jackson was “a gambler, a cock fighter, a slave trader and the husband of a really fat wife.” Sometimes you need to take a walk in the sewer before you get to the end of the pipe and reach daylight. Just hold your nose and make the trek.