My Mormon Third Eye: I See... LDS Security Questions

Sunday, August 26, 2012

I See... LDS Security Questions

Technology has taken over the world, and the LDS church is definitely riding the wave. The number of apps being created by LDS developers both in and out of the church designed to further the work is truly staggering. However, true to the Mormon Third Eye tradition, we’ve found a critical corner of the technology world that needs more attention; the mystical, frustrating world of security questions. What if… what if… an enterprising young LDS technologist hooked up with a major player in the business world to design a secure logon system that used LDS-themed security questions? What would that look like?

I imagine that, after identifying your religion as LDS in the initial online account establishment process of your favorite bank or credit card company, the well-trained computer would generate the following questions. Your answers to these questions would ensure that your personal financial information remains secure:

How many girls/boys did you kiss before you kissed your wife/husband over the altar?
What was your mission president’s most annoying personal habit?
Your favorite primary song?
Your favorite church calling?
The name of that lady in your ward who always cries and shares embarrassing facts about her family every fast and testimony meeting?
Your favorite remixed LDS hymn?
Fill in the blanks: I’m ___, ___, and I’m a Mormon.
Where you really wanted to serve your mission:
My preferred imitation cussword is:
The preferred Book of Mormon scripture reference I quote to justify my behavior is:
How many wives did your great-great grandfather have?
The song we sang almost every family night as long as I can remember is:

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The Mormon Third Eye Quote of the Week

"As men of the priesthood, we have an essential role to play in society, at home, and in the Church. But we must be men that women can trust, that children can trust, and that God can trust. In the Church and kingdom of God in these latter days, we cannot afford to have boys and men who are drifting. We cannot afford young men who lack self-discipline and live only to be entertained. We cannot afford young adult men who are going nowhere in life, who are not serious about forming families and making a real contribution in this world. We cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to provide spiritual leadership in the home."

Elder D. Todd Christofferson
Priesthood Session Conference, October 2012

Why My Mormon Third Eye?

When I politely excused myself in the middle of dinner to make a bathroom stop, how did Mom know that I had uneaten peas in my pocket to flush down the toilet? When I came home late from a youth dance and slid quietly into bed to avoid waking parental units, how did Dad know, without looking at the car, that I smashed in the front bumper? When I watch my daughter play a video game, how do I know that she's not ready for her Geometry final?

Its the Third Eye. The notorious eye in the back of the head, the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing so they can see more of life than the children they chase after.

Our third eye also permits us to see things and feel emotions that are too refined, too far on the edge of our standard two-eyed peripheral vision to enjoy in its fullness. I've learned that I have a Mormon Third Eye; that is, as a life-long, fully-dedicated member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have unique perspective on how the doctrines of the gospel and the demands of my faith in them intersect every other part of my mortal existence to create the entertaining, self-deprecating kaleidoscope of my life.

So... for those of you bold and bored enough to read this far, every so often I'll be sharing here what my Mormon third eye sees. Third eyes are relatively huge; they see the humorous, the entertaining, the embarrassing, the beautiful, the inspirational, and even the moral and political; however, they tend to ignore the evil, depressing and destructive: there is enough of that in world already!

The Four Secrets to Successful Living

Always Go Where There is Free Food - This includes ward and work parties, wedding receptions and missionary open houses; the money you spend to buy the ingredients for the world-famous triple chocolate cake you bring doesn’t count.
Never Pay Full Price for Anything – See my posts on Black Friday escapades for more information on this.
Never, Ever Press the Red Button - Usually, if you are faced with a red button somewhere, don’t press it – it usually means trouble. For example, the red button launches the missiles. Do yourself a favor and don’t press it.
Any Problem You Face Can Be Solved With Bungee Cords and Duct Tape - Bungee cord and duct tape technology has saved many marriages and ward parties. I’m not just talking about problems with plumbing or keeping groceries from bouncing around the trunk; I know of relationship and family issues that have been solved with creative applications of these two substances.