My Mormon Third Eye: I See... Being Number Four

Saturday, December 31, 2011

I See... Being Number Four

I am Number Four. Really! I am! If you had the chance to see last year's sci-fi blockbuster megahit “I am Number Four,” you'll understand the boldness of this declaration. I was not the fourth genetically-engineered embryo designed in a spooky DNA lab, nor the fourth alien guardian sent to earth to protect it against evil, and I am not blessed with any degree of superhuman strength that I know of. However, I am still Number Four, and I have the sappy happy family memory to prove it.

The Sappy Happy Family Memory

When Elvis was king and we were fighting the Communist Red Hordes in Vietnam, I was spending many of my young summers with six other brothers and sisters and two parental units crammed into a dusty hot metal-encased family station wagon roaming the roads of Southern California and Utah visiting masses of cousins on both sides of the family tree. On our travels we were constantly stopping. Stopping for gas, food, a break, cheap trinkets at a tourist trap, a funny sound or mysterious fluid emanating from the engine, and every once in a while our final destination for that day.

At every stop us kids would tumble quickly out of every door of the car like a dropped open bag of your favorite chips. Released from our captured state, we would scatter everywhere except where we were supposed to be. This was a full 15 years before they invented kiddie leashes, and our parents loved all of us most of the time, so a foolproof plan to ensure that we left the gas station or the Dairy Queen with all seven children was imperative.

My father's fun answer to this serious dilemma was to require a military-style roll call in front of the car before we drove away. In the line up, however, we didn't have names; we had numbers. Our number was our position in birth order. We would stand at attention and bark out, probably too loudly, our number, starting with my oldest sister: ”One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven!” If there was a missing number, Dad knew he had to hunt one of us down.

I have warm fuzzy memories of the summer vacation roll call. The longer I live and love my own little family, the more I treasure the richness and significance of this exercise. Mom and Dad loved us all; they could not bear to miss even one of the seven, although I'm sure there were times they were overwhelmed with the seven.

And guess what? I am Number Four! I will always be Number Four. I am so glad to be Number Four.

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The Mormon Third Eye Quote of the Week

"As men of the priesthood, we have an essential role to play in society, at home, and in the Church. But we must be men that women can trust, that children can trust, and that God can trust. In the Church and kingdom of God in these latter days, we cannot afford to have boys and men who are drifting. We cannot afford young men who lack self-discipline and live only to be entertained. We cannot afford young adult men who are going nowhere in life, who are not serious about forming families and making a real contribution in this world. We cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to provide spiritual leadership in the home."

Elder D. Todd Christofferson
Priesthood Session Conference, October 2012

Why My Mormon Third Eye?

When I politely excused myself in the middle of dinner to make a bathroom stop, how did Mom know that I had uneaten peas in my pocket to flush down the toilet? When I came home late from a youth dance and slid quietly into bed to avoid waking parental units, how did Dad know, without looking at the car, that I smashed in the front bumper? When I watch my daughter play a video game, how do I know that she's not ready for her Geometry final?

Its the Third Eye. The notorious eye in the back of the head, the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing so they can see more of life than the children they chase after.

Our third eye also permits us to see things and feel emotions that are too refined, too far on the edge of our standard two-eyed peripheral vision to enjoy in its fullness. I've learned that I have a Mormon Third Eye; that is, as a life-long, fully-dedicated member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have unique perspective on how the doctrines of the gospel and the demands of my faith in them intersect every other part of my mortal existence to create the entertaining, self-deprecating kaleidoscope of my life.

So... for those of you bold and bored enough to read this far, every so often I'll be sharing here what my Mormon third eye sees. Third eyes are relatively huge; they see the humorous, the entertaining, the embarrassing, the beautiful, the inspirational, and even the moral and political; however, they tend to ignore the evil, depressing and destructive: there is enough of that in world already!

The Four Secrets to Successful Living

Always Go Where There is Free Food - This includes ward and work parties, wedding receptions and missionary open houses; the money you spend to buy the ingredients for the world-famous triple chocolate cake you bring doesn’t count.
Never Pay Full Price for Anything – See my posts on Black Friday escapades for more information on this.
Never, Ever Press the Red Button - Usually, if you are faced with a red button somewhere, don’t press it – it usually means trouble. For example, the red button launches the missiles. Do yourself a favor and don’t press it.
Any Problem You Face Can Be Solved With Bungee Cords and Duct Tape - Bungee cord and duct tape technology has saved many marriages and ward parties. I’m not just talking about problems with plumbing or keeping groceries from bouncing around the trunk; I know of relationship and family issues that have been solved with creative applications of these two substances.