Saturday, November 26, 2011

I See... Super Sacred Sunday

For years now we've had “Black Friday;” the most massive shopping day of the year, where consumers and retailers alike go crazy over great deals. But imitation is the greatest indicator of success, so no one should have been surprised with the rise of “Cyber Monday” on its coattails, the Internet's answer to Black Friday. Most recently, between that Friday and this Monday, “Small Business Saturday” has popped up, to address the fairness concerns of Mom and Pop stores passed over the day before.

All we have left is an empty Sunday, a day that just sits there pleading for a purpose. The Mormon Third Eye, which strives to lead the way in all worthy leading trends, has found a purpose for this Sunday- be ready for... “Super Sacred Sunday!”

Super Sacred Sunday, with the right amount of proper pious promotion, could be the most holy destination Sunday of the year! On Super Sacred Sunday, individuals and families would get whipped up into a frenzy of righteousness not seen or experienced throughout the rest of the year. Actually, Super Sacred Sunday would start the day before. Families would make sure that all their children and the clothes on them are washed sparkly clean ready to worship the following day. We who have sent our children out to meet the world, or who are waiting for our children to join it, would put down the remote and DVR that favorite SNL episode to avoid waltzing into church the next morning in a drunken sleepless stupor.

On Super Sacred Sunday, we would flood chapels across the fruited plains enmasse and overwhelm our church leaders with sincere yearning hearts to serve God through serving others. The Bishop would spend his entire Sunday counseling ward members seeking to shed the burden of serious sin; nurseries would triple in size, and the halls would be eerily empty, for everyone would be rushing into class to hear the word of God. Overworked servers hosting lds.org and mormon.org would crash intermittently; the roads would be choked with mankind on the way to and from visiting the sick and the elderly; hospitals and soup kitchens would be overwhelmed with endless lines of well-meaning volunteers anxious to bust down the doors to comfort and serve the poor and afflicted.

Meanwhile, an eery silence would reign over shopping centers and sports stadiums. Cable TV remotes would gather dust in the corner of the family room; the jarring grunts of bone-crushing tackles that echo through halls of many homes on Sunday afternoons would be replaced by the soft rustling of turning pages or the inspiring strains of the Motab Choir. Supermarket checkers and stadium sweepers would be gathering around the fireplace reading the scriptures to or with their children and other loved ones. Data line service would meteorically multiply, as hearts yearning closer to God would turn closer to family and friends in seeking every way possible to express their concern and love

Most important of all, our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ, via the medium of the spirit, would have one of the busiest days in their universe, using the willing hearts and talents of those who have covenanted to serve him to answer the prayers of those who need him. Certainly there would be unintended consequences (underutilized prisons? Plunging car insurance rates resulting from rapid reduction of road rage? Hmm...), but I guarantee all them would be good.

Imagine the possibilities! Who's with me? How will you celebrate Super Sacred Sunday?

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