My Mormon Third Eye: I See... Marriage in an Alternate Universe

Sunday, January 9, 2011

I See... Marriage in an Alternate Universe

This actually happened.

[[Scene: Husband comes home from a long day at work. Wife has spent a long day in back pain and schlepping toys around the state of Maryland all day as a part of her work-from-home small business. Both are sitting down at the dinner table, finishing up their meal, talking about their day. Husband starts to get up to take his dirty dishes to the sink:]]

[[Husband starts to rise from his seat while Wife is talking about the uncertain future of our nation.]]

Wife: What are you doing?

Husband: I'm going to rinse my dishes and put them in the dishwasher.

Wife: Don't do that! Come sit down and relax for a moment! You've worked hard today!

Husband: No, really, it's okay. Keep on talking. I'm listening. I just need a minute to take care of these dishes.

[[Wife grabs Husband's forearm, gently forcing him back to his seat]]

Wife: Sweetie, please don't! I will take care of these dishes today. You don't have to take care of your own mess right now. Sit down and relax for a little while.

[[Wife lovingly strokes Husband's forearm like a favorite pet]]

Husband: Thanks honey, but I have a lot of work to get done before bedtime. I have clothes to put away, and a pile of mail to go through and file, and...

Wife: No, I really mean it! Sit down and relax.

Husband: Okay. Thank you.

This is marriage in my alternate universe. I think I'm going to stay.

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The Mormon Third Eye Quote of the Week

"As men of the priesthood, we have an essential role to play in society, at home, and in the Church. But we must be men that women can trust, that children can trust, and that God can trust. In the Church and kingdom of God in these latter days, we cannot afford to have boys and men who are drifting. We cannot afford young men who lack self-discipline and live only to be entertained. We cannot afford young adult men who are going nowhere in life, who are not serious about forming families and making a real contribution in this world. We cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to provide spiritual leadership in the home."

Elder D. Todd Christofferson
Priesthood Session Conference, October 2012

Why My Mormon Third Eye?

When I politely excused myself in the middle of dinner to make a bathroom stop, how did Mom know that I had uneaten peas in my pocket to flush down the toilet? When I came home late from a youth dance and slid quietly into bed to avoid waking parental units, how did Dad know, without looking at the car, that I smashed in the front bumper? When I watch my daughter play a video game, how do I know that she's not ready for her Geometry final?

Its the Third Eye. The notorious eye in the back of the head, the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing so they can see more of life than the children they chase after.

Our third eye also permits us to see things and feel emotions that are too refined, too far on the edge of our standard two-eyed peripheral vision to enjoy in its fullness. I've learned that I have a Mormon Third Eye; that is, as a life-long, fully-dedicated member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have unique perspective on how the doctrines of the gospel and the demands of my faith in them intersect every other part of my mortal existence to create the entertaining, self-deprecating kaleidoscope of my life.

So... for those of you bold and bored enough to read this far, every so often I'll be sharing here what my Mormon third eye sees. Third eyes are relatively huge; they see the humorous, the entertaining, the embarrassing, the beautiful, the inspirational, and even the moral and political; however, they tend to ignore the evil, depressing and destructive: there is enough of that in world already!

The Four Secrets to Successful Living

Always Go Where There is Free Food - This includes ward and work parties, wedding receptions and missionary open houses; the money you spend to buy the ingredients for the world-famous triple chocolate cake you bring doesn’t count.
Never Pay Full Price for Anything – See my posts on Black Friday escapades for more information on this.
Never, Ever Press the Red Button - Usually, if you are faced with a red button somewhere, don’t press it – it usually means trouble. For example, the red button launches the missiles. Do yourself a favor and don’t press it.
Any Problem You Face Can Be Solved With Bungee Cords and Duct Tape - Bungee cord and duct tape technology has saved many marriages and ward parties. I’m not just talking about problems with plumbing or keeping groceries from bouncing around the trunk; I know of relationship and family issues that have been solved with creative applications of these two substances.