My Mormon Third Eye: I See... Mid-life Bread

Sunday, April 5, 2009

I See... Mid-life Bread

It was like a switch flipped on in my head. It happened in a instant. It was pure excitement surging through my veins. What was it? I heard that it had happened to other men turning 50.Was it happening to me?Yes, it was. This was my mid-life crisis.

The realization that over half of your earth years have passed while accomplishing so little poses a challenge to any man, but can be exceptionally extreme to gospel law-abiding priesthood holders who may have never experienced the world's definition of thrills and chills. So what to I do now? My body and soul was wholly consumed with the drive to do something different, risky, thrilling, and dangerous. Something I had never done before. Do I buy a red convertible? (eeuuw- flies in my teeth!) run off with the secretary? (nope- don't have one, and besides, I'm still wrapped around my wife's little finger) Skydivi

ng? Hang-gliding? How do I feed the need for emotional speed?

I decided to do something I had never done before. For me it was the ultimate thrill. I was going to edge. I was going to... make homemade bread from scratch!

Yes, I actually did it. Using my mother-in-law's recipe and under the tutelage of my wife for successive romantic Saturday afternoons, I mixed just the right portions of ancient ingredients at just the right time, waited for the dough to rise, and baked it in the oven at just the right temperature. The result was hot, perfect, and properly fluffy fresh bread!

It was a thrilling adventure to create something for the first time so perfect and tasty. I've made a few other loaves since then. Suddenly, I was new and productive again; the last forty-nine years didn't seem to be so much of a complete waste if it prepared me to be able to produce such marvelous bread.

This was my mid-life bread. I think I'm going to make it through my mid-life crisis without risking my life or my wife.

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The Mormon Third Eye Quote of the Week

"As men of the priesthood, we have an essential role to play in society, at home, and in the Church. But we must be men that women can trust, that children can trust, and that God can trust. In the Church and kingdom of God in these latter days, we cannot afford to have boys and men who are drifting. We cannot afford young men who lack self-discipline and live only to be entertained. We cannot afford young adult men who are going nowhere in life, who are not serious about forming families and making a real contribution in this world. We cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to provide spiritual leadership in the home."

Elder D. Todd Christofferson
Priesthood Session Conference, October 2012

Why My Mormon Third Eye?

When I politely excused myself in the middle of dinner to make a bathroom stop, how did Mom know that I had uneaten peas in my pocket to flush down the toilet? When I came home late from a youth dance and slid quietly into bed to avoid waking parental units, how did Dad know, without looking at the car, that I smashed in the front bumper? When I watch my daughter play a video game, how do I know that she's not ready for her Geometry final?

Its the Third Eye. The notorious eye in the back of the head, the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing so they can see more of life than the children they chase after.

Our third eye also permits us to see things and feel emotions that are too refined, too far on the edge of our standard two-eyed peripheral vision to enjoy in its fullness. I've learned that I have a Mormon Third Eye; that is, as a life-long, fully-dedicated member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have unique perspective on how the doctrines of the gospel and the demands of my faith in them intersect every other part of my mortal existence to create the entertaining, self-deprecating kaleidoscope of my life.

So... for those of you bold and bored enough to read this far, every so often I'll be sharing here what my Mormon third eye sees. Third eyes are relatively huge; they see the humorous, the entertaining, the embarrassing, the beautiful, the inspirational, and even the moral and political; however, they tend to ignore the evil, depressing and destructive: there is enough of that in world already!

The Four Secrets to Successful Living

Always Go Where There is Free Food - This includes ward and work parties, wedding receptions and missionary open houses; the money you spend to buy the ingredients for the world-famous triple chocolate cake you bring doesn’t count.
Never Pay Full Price for Anything – See my posts on Black Friday escapades for more information on this.
Never, Ever Press the Red Button - Usually, if you are faced with a red button somewhere, don’t press it – it usually means trouble. For example, the red button launches the missiles. Do yourself a favor and don’t press it.
Any Problem You Face Can Be Solved With Bungee Cords and Duct Tape - Bungee cord and duct tape technology has saved many marriages and ward parties. I’m not just talking about problems with plumbing or keeping groceries from bouncing around the trunk; I know of relationship and family issues that have been solved with creative applications of these two substances.