My Mormon Third Eye: I See... an Historical Presidency

Friday, November 21, 2008

I See... an Historical Presidency

About three weeks ago, all of us were either spectators or participants in one of the most noted historical changes occurring in the 21st Century. After countless decades of struggle for recognition and approval, a repressed minority has risen up to claim a treasured stake in the American melting pot. In a season of tolerance and diversity, the people have spoken and chosen comrade Barack Obama, the first Socialist President of the United States of America.

A socialist president is the realization of a dream that began over 150 years ago when German socialist laborers first immigrated to America in 1848. The dream was kept alive by FDR's New Deal, a response to the Depression that gripped our great nation in the late 1920's and throughout the next decade. Lyndon B. Johnson's presidential reign of economic terror in the 1960's, with his quest to construct the next great welfare society, was another noteworthy attempt to bless the lives of free Americans with the shackles of socialism. In fact, I'm certain that if wasn't for the inspired leadership

of Ronald Reagan, who reintroduced the country to the concept that the invisible hand of free market capitalism rewards prosperity to those willing to work for it, we would have had a socialist president much sooner.

Our current economic troubles, however, revived the hope for a socialist President that would save us from the penalties of prosperity and redistribute wealth through tax rebates for those who pay no taxes. American Socialists wearing morality masks have been clamoring for universal health care that would fairly provide sub-standard medical care and treat all citizens, sick or well, as equals.

The great of day change has come. All the change that progressive socialists have been seeking, our change, is now available to them. They are taking my change to buy shares of failing banks and I may end up financing part of the next new car you buy. Barack Obama, the first Socialist president of the 21st century, will make sure that I, as a patriotic taxpayer, will be forced to own a piece of the socialist dream via his wealth redistribution policies.

BTW, I also heard that Obama is African-American... Cool! I didn't know that... I haven't been paying much attention to the color of his skin. When it comes to politics, I have a definitive handicap- I'm color blind.

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The Mormon Third Eye Quote of the Week

"As men of the priesthood, we have an essential role to play in society, at home, and in the Church. But we must be men that women can trust, that children can trust, and that God can trust. In the Church and kingdom of God in these latter days, we cannot afford to have boys and men who are drifting. We cannot afford young men who lack self-discipline and live only to be entertained. We cannot afford young adult men who are going nowhere in life, who are not serious about forming families and making a real contribution in this world. We cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to provide spiritual leadership in the home."

Elder D. Todd Christofferson
Priesthood Session Conference, October 2012

Why My Mormon Third Eye?

When I politely excused myself in the middle of dinner to make a bathroom stop, how did Mom know that I had uneaten peas in my pocket to flush down the toilet? When I came home late from a youth dance and slid quietly into bed to avoid waking parental units, how did Dad know, without looking at the car, that I smashed in the front bumper? When I watch my daughter play a video game, how do I know that she's not ready for her Geometry final?

Its the Third Eye. The notorious eye in the back of the head, the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing so they can see more of life than the children they chase after.

Our third eye also permits us to see things and feel emotions that are too refined, too far on the edge of our standard two-eyed peripheral vision to enjoy in its fullness. I've learned that I have a Mormon Third Eye; that is, as a life-long, fully-dedicated member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have unique perspective on how the doctrines of the gospel and the demands of my faith in them intersect every other part of my mortal existence to create the entertaining, self-deprecating kaleidoscope of my life.

So... for those of you bold and bored enough to read this far, every so often I'll be sharing here what my Mormon third eye sees. Third eyes are relatively huge; they see the humorous, the entertaining, the embarrassing, the beautiful, the inspirational, and even the moral and political; however, they tend to ignore the evil, depressing and destructive: there is enough of that in world already!

The Four Secrets to Successful Living

Always Go Where There is Free Food - This includes ward and work parties, wedding receptions and missionary open houses; the money you spend to buy the ingredients for the world-famous triple chocolate cake you bring doesn’t count.
Never Pay Full Price for Anything – See my posts on Black Friday escapades for more information on this.
Never, Ever Press the Red Button - Usually, if you are faced with a red button somewhere, don’t press it – it usually means trouble. For example, the red button launches the missiles. Do yourself a favor and don’t press it.
Any Problem You Face Can Be Solved With Bungee Cords and Duct Tape - Bungee cord and duct tape technology has saved many marriages and ward parties. I’m not just talking about problems with plumbing or keeping groceries from bouncing around the trunk; I know of relationship and family issues that have been solved with creative applications of these two substances.