What do I deserve? My wife knows. Reference the following transcript:
WARNING: WHAT FOLLOWS IS A GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF MARITAL MAYHEM. IF YOU ARE AN INNOCENT HUSBAND, BE AFRAID- BE VERY AFRAID.
Wife (Surprised, like I had just strangled a kitten): Do you know what you just did!
Me (sheepishly confused): What! What did I do?
Wife (even more surprised that I have no idea what I have been accused of): You just wiped a handful of chocolate crumbs on our new couch!
Me (doing my best to act horrified that I have accidentally deposited microns of cookies crumbs on the arm of the couch, crumbs that are exactly the same color of the couch): Oh honey, I’m so sorry! I must have done it subconsciously, without even thinking…
Wife (cartoon-style red steam screaming out of both ears): You know what you deserve? You know what we’re going to do? We’re going to buy a ratty old recliner that you can pee and poop and barf and smear as much food as you want to on it, and I won’t care!
Me (shocked at my wife’s graphic description of how I would be permitted to treat any piece of furniture) Ummmm…..
Wife (with a twinkle in her eye and a crooked smile): Laughs cleverly.