Sunday, January 20, 2013

I See… Why I am so Incredibly Nice to People

I get this question a lot, and frankly, I’m tired of it. I’ve decided to use the massive global reach of the Mormon Third Eye to provide an answer for everyone.

Why am I so incredibly nice to people?  Is it my innate humility, Christ-like demeanor, or naturally selfless personality that prompts me to treat my fellow man with more reverence, honor, and respect than they might deserve?

I wish.  Imagine all the blessings that would be mine if I followed the advice of King Benjamin in the Book of Mormon and considered serving others as serving the Savior himself…

I wish that my motives were that altruistic.  However, when I’m being nice to people, I’m actually thinking about my future. The prime motivation behind my seemingly Christ-like treatment of others is… retirement.
OK. This is how it works.  I am one of millions of inconsequential federal desk jockeys who will never enjoy great wealth, even in my advanced years. I’m going to have to rely on the kindness and largesse of others to survive life comfortably.  I also believe deeply, perhaps too deeply, in the gospel concept of “do unto others as they would do unto you.”  Hence, I believe in investing in my fellowman. That is, I assume a calculated risk that if I am nice to people when they are poor, they are more likely to reward me when they become wealthy. In fact, I am counting on it.  I only need a couple of young promising families I’ve met over the decades to create the next electric pop-up toaster or Facebook in order to secure a monetarily care free life in my golden years. It is a simple but somewhat risky strategy, and I’m hoping it works. 

The assumed risk comes in choosing the right people to be nice to.  I purposefully try to select young men, women and couples who seem to show some degree of promise of earning potential in the coming years and decades.  That can be difficult to determine, however, and I’m definitely not a gambler, so I try to cover all my bases by being nice to everyone, even if they treat me poorly. You never know who will make it big.

So, the next time we meet, and I treat you will the utmost kindness and respect, please remember that you owe me, but I probably won’t try to cash in for at least another ten years. Furthermore, if I met you 20-30 years ago, when I consciously determined to adopt this strategy, please remember that I haven’t forgotten about you- I’m just waiting for the right time to seek a wise return on my investment.

Oh… and if you are one of the few that I’ve ignored or treated poorly over the years, don’t take it personally- it’s not a reflection of your character, just your earning potential!

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