My Mormon Third Eye: I See… a Historic Conference

Sunday, October 7, 2012

I See… a Historic Conference

We just wrapped up a historic general conference weekend. What made these sessions so memorable in the annals of general conference history? Was it the stunning announcement of lowering the age for young men and young women to serve missions? Or maybe Elder Oak’s direct and passionate plea for protection of the world’s children? Possibly. For the Mormon Third Eye, however, the 182^nd Semiannual Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints will forever go down in history as the first general conference where… I stayed awake for ALL five sessions, including the Priesthood Session!

Struggling to stay awake in conference is not as sinful or satisfying as it may first seem. If you humbly, quietly begin watching a session of conference harboring a secret hope to acquire some unique heavenly motivation to be a better a person, the Lord may reward you with soft, comforting spiritual promptings that envelope your yearning soul much like a thick blanket on a cold night. Unfortunately, if you've had a long challenging day or night dealing with work and/or family issues, then that warm, lilting spirit surrounding you can easily lead you to the rest and comfort of slumber. During even my most memorable sessions, there is usually at least part of one talk I have unintentionally dozed through. What can be said and shared in conference, however, is definitely worth staying awake for. So, what was the secret to sanctifying my sincere soul from slumber?

I know that faithful fans regularly read the MTE for answers, not questions. Sometimes, however, there are gospel mysteries that reach beyond even the keen analytical grasp of the MTE- Where are the Three Nephites? Why do good things happen to bad people? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does nothing happen to me? This must be one of them. The crack MTE staff has analyzed conference contents, the comfort of the viewing environment (or the lack thereof), and even the spiritual, emotional, and physical circumstances during and immediately prior to conference. We have not uncovered, exposed, identified, or triangulated even one shred of evidence pointing to a rational reason for this heretofore unknown anomaly. For now, this will have to be stored in the category of unsolved gospel gems.

Wait a minute. I never considered the possibility that after participating in at least 60 conference weekends as a legal adult, maybe I’m growing up? Hmmm…. I’ll have to get the MTE research staff to explore this further…

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The Mormon Third Eye Quote of the Week

"As men of the priesthood, we have an essential role to play in society, at home, and in the Church. But we must be men that women can trust, that children can trust, and that God can trust. In the Church and kingdom of God in these latter days, we cannot afford to have boys and men who are drifting. We cannot afford young men who lack self-discipline and live only to be entertained. We cannot afford young adult men who are going nowhere in life, who are not serious about forming families and making a real contribution in this world. We cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to provide spiritual leadership in the home."

Elder D. Todd Christofferson
Priesthood Session Conference, October 2012

Why My Mormon Third Eye?

When I politely excused myself in the middle of dinner to make a bathroom stop, how did Mom know that I had uneaten peas in my pocket to flush down the toilet? When I came home late from a youth dance and slid quietly into bed to avoid waking parental units, how did Dad know, without looking at the car, that I smashed in the front bumper? When I watch my daughter play a video game, how do I know that she's not ready for her Geometry final?

Its the Third Eye. The notorious eye in the back of the head, the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing so they can see more of life than the children they chase after.

Our third eye also permits us to see things and feel emotions that are too refined, too far on the edge of our standard two-eyed peripheral vision to enjoy in its fullness. I've learned that I have a Mormon Third Eye; that is, as a life-long, fully-dedicated member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have unique perspective on how the doctrines of the gospel and the demands of my faith in them intersect every other part of my mortal existence to create the entertaining, self-deprecating kaleidoscope of my life.

So... for those of you bold and bored enough to read this far, every so often I'll be sharing here what my Mormon third eye sees. Third eyes are relatively huge; they see the humorous, the entertaining, the embarrassing, the beautiful, the inspirational, and even the moral and political; however, they tend to ignore the evil, depressing and destructive: there is enough of that in world already!

The Four Secrets to Successful Living

Always Go Where There is Free Food - This includes ward and work parties, wedding receptions and missionary open houses; the money you spend to buy the ingredients for the world-famous triple chocolate cake you bring doesn’t count.
Never Pay Full Price for Anything – See my posts on Black Friday escapades for more information on this.
Never, Ever Press the Red Button - Usually, if you are faced with a red button somewhere, don’t press it – it usually means trouble. For example, the red button launches the missiles. Do yourself a favor and don’t press it.
Any Problem You Face Can Be Solved With Bungee Cords and Duct Tape - Bungee cord and duct tape technology has saved many marriages and ward parties. I’m not just talking about problems with plumbing or keeping groceries from bouncing around the trunk; I know of relationship and family issues that have been solved with creative applications of these two substances.