Saturday, September 20, 2008

I See… Obamanation vs. Palination: Which Nation do YOU Want to Live in?

It’s that time of the decade again, when we are privileged to spend our daydreaming hours imagining what life would be like under the respective regimes of competing presidential candidates, before we have to actually choose which candidate we will have to live with for the next four years. Will it be an Obamanation or a Palination?

This is the critically important question because it is clear that these two are the only two on their tickets that matter. Their ability to motivate and inspire exponentially eclipses their running mate’s capabilities to govern one nation under God.

In an Obamanation, the socialist paradise replaces the American Dream. Universal health care will produce a vigorous and vivacious populace strong enough to fly to India and Singapore to avoid the endless wait time that will erupt for major, life-saving complex operations. 7-11 stores will sell abortion pills next to miniature Skittles packets by the register, and pubescent young men will flood the nation’s libraries in record numbers to enjoy their government-guaranteed right to leer at naked women on the Internet.

In a Palination, we’ll enjoy life under a much leaner and cleaner government run by many of our more efficient and compassionate gun-toting mothers, wives and daughters, displaying remarkable abilities to keep the plates of work and family deftly spinning in the air most of the time. However, when the family plate comes crashing down, our pregnant children will struggle to seek government services to designed to support them in teenage matrimony, services that have been mercilessly cut to fund the endless war in Iraq fought by innocent pawns- our sexually repressed sons and daughters. Due to multitudinous amounts of domestic petroleum, the chosen few that still have jobs will once again populate the fruited plain with SUVs. Drivers, however, fearing that they will fatally choke on caustic, smog-ridden air amplified by global warming, will be reluctant to leave the comforts of their own cars to pump their own gas.

Thank heavens that political daydreaming permits playful exaggeration. All of the above arguments are available in some form by a short Internet search on “Obamanation” and “Palination.” When reality sets in, past practice proves that the presidential mantle moderates both liberal and conservative nightmares.

If you are looking for me to persuade you to vote Republican or Democrat, you’ll be disappointed; the Hatch Act prevents federal desk jockeys like myself from formally campaigning for anyone. It does, however, permit me to exercise my constitutional right to free speech. I freely admit that when I apply gospel principles, I prefer to deal with a government more likely to promote more opportunities for spirit sons and daughters to obtain physical bodies and gain earthly experience per the grand plan of salvation. I’m willing to wrestle with the potential problem of a poor example set by a dynamic mom who may be choosing work over family.

I wholeheartedly recommend you do what latter-day prophets and apostles have advocated since Joseph Smith Jr.: learn righteous principles and govern yourself. This means you’ll have to judge those who govern you by their potential to apply righteous principles.

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